Ask Collage – Pregnancy (Miscarriage) and Infant Loss
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and our team at Collage knows this is a painful subject for many in our community. We hope this message from Gaye, our Executive Director, will help bring healing and hope.
Hi! I’m Gaye Tillotson and I’m the Executive Director here at Collage.
I don’t typically visit with clients anymore because the rest of the staff does that. But the other day, I had a donor come in and she actually wanted to give a donation to honor the child that she and her husband had lost in miscarriage recently. My heart just broke for her because that’s a very real hurt that so many women and men struggle with.
So, I just wanted to take a minute today and remind anybody who has gone through that pain to take time to heal. To not try to hurry up and get over it, and not think, “oh, it’s been 2 weeks or 2 months or whatever, I should be over this.” Take the time you need to grieve.
And in that grieving process, take time to give dignity and honor to the child that you lost. Maybe you’ll be like that donor who wanted to give a gift to Collage to honor the child that they had lost. Maybe you would want to plant a tree or something in your yard that you can always remember that child. You’ll know what you want to do. You’ll know what fits for you and your family.
And I also want to encourage you to allow yourself to even think about naming your child that you lost because it just does something to our hearts when we can think back and actually remember that child with a name and not just an “it” or “the baby.”
Just know that you are loved. The child that you lost is loved. And be okay with taking time to heal. And be okay with talking to other people about it too, maybe not everybody though. Maybe find a safe person or two that you can talk to who will really understand and just listen and not try to make you get over it really quick. But find those safe people. I know that they’re there.
We love you and we know that your grieving process is difficult. No, you’re never going to forget that child, but believe me, you will get to a point where it will be easier. We just want you to know that.