I Think I’m in Love
I think I’m in love, but how do I know for sure?
Songs are written about it. Movies are made about it. Poetry has centered around it. You can find thousands of memes about it. And we set aside an entire holiday to celebrate it.
But how do you know for sure when you’re in love?
We certainly don’t have all the answers, but there are some general questions you can ask yourself that will help you figure out if what you’re feeling is real love.
Do I love myself and feel complete, even when I’m not dating anyone? When you feel needy and like you’re depending on someone else to complete you, that’s usually a sign of infatuation instead of love. It’s hard to really love someone else when you don’t feel comfortable with yourself and love yourself.
Is my attraction mostly physical or sexual? Or is it more than that? Real love extends beyond the physical to a deep emotional connection and attraction. Would you want to be with this person even if sex weren’t a part of the relationship? If so, that’s a good sign that you really love him or her.
Can I be myself with this person? When you’re really in love with someone, you both feel comfortable being yourselves. You don’t have to pretend to be anything you aren’t, and you don’t walk on eggshells. You feel accepted just as you are. You feel safe.
Do we have fun together? Do you laugh? Do you do fun things and have interesting conversations? When you’re really in love, you enjoy being together and you have fun together.
How do we handle conflict? You’ll have conflict in any authentic relationship. The key is in how you handle it. Do you sweep it under the rug and ignore it? Do you pretend there isn’t any conflict? If you haven’t had any conflict, there’s a good chance you aren’t being real with each other. And if you aren’t being real with each other, then you can’t possibly know if you’re really in love.
Do I know my boyfriend/girlfriend isn’t perfect? If you think you’ve found the PERFECT ONE, then you’re probably feeling infatuation instead of love. When you really are in love, you see that your partner isn’t perfect, but you accept his or her imperfections. (Please understand that we’re not talking about imperfections like drug abuse or verbal, emotional or physical abuse. If your significant other demonstrates any of those signs, you need to remove yourself from the relationship and encourage him or her to get help.)
Do I care about We as much as I care about Me? When you really love someone, you care about him or her as much as you care about yourself. You want to put your relationship and your couple goals and priorities on the same level as your personal goals and priorities. We’re not saying you lose yourself and become a doormat. No, not at all. We’re saying real love isn’t selfish and self-centered.