My Boyfriend Broke Up With Me
Bonnie Tyler sang about it back in 1983 — Once upon a time I was falling in love, Now I’m only falling apart, There’s nothing I can do, Total eclipse of the heart.
Adele sang about it in 2010 – You had my heart inside of your hand, and you played it to the beat . . . We could have had it all.
There’s a reason songs about breaking up are so popular. It’s a common, timeless fact of life — not all relationships work out. Couples break up. And when someone breaks up with you, it’s normal to wonder where it all went wrong, to feel angry or hurt or embarrassed or broken. Or maybe even all of those emotions within a five-minute time span!
If your boyfriend broke up with you, maybe you’re binging on Netflix, eating ice cream straight from the carton, and listening to sad break-up songs. Or maybe you’ve started a kickboxing class to work out some of those emotions. Whatever your Getting-Over-A-Break-Up strategy is, we want to offer these 4 tips to you with the hope that they will help you.
1. Allow yourself to feel all the feels. The only thing worse than feeling heartbroken or angry is heaping guilt or shame on top of the heartbreak and anger because you think you shouldn’t feel that emotion. A relationship has ended, and you’re allowed to feel whatever emotion you’re feeling. Sadness. Anger. Fear. Grief. Give yourself time to sit in those emotions and feel them. You might want to write it all down – writing in a pretty journal or pounding out your feelings on a computer keyboard may be healing. You probably want to vent to a trusted friend or family member. Talking or writing about your feelings can help you process. Give yourself permission to feel all the things.
2. Take inventory. It’s normal to replay things in your mind and try to figure out where things went wrong. So go ahead – spend some time examining your actions and attitudes and behaviors. After all, that’s how you’re going to grow from this experience. Even though you probably didn’t do anything wrong, there are things you can learn about yourself that will help you in future relationships if you spend some time deconstructing the situation.
3. But don’t get stuck there. Though it’s healthy to spend some time deconstructing the relationship, it’s not healthy to camp out there for too long. If you replay every conversation, every interaction, over and over in your mind, you’ll go crazy. And overthinking every detail of the relationship won’t change the outcome – you’ll still be broken up. So pause long enough to learn from the relationship, but don’t get stuck overanalyzing.
4. Practice acceptance and gratitude. Even though you didn’t want to break up, this is where you find yourself. At some point, after you stew in the anger and grief for a little while, you’ll get to the point of acceptance. Choosing to accept the break-up and choosing to be thankful for the experience can help you become a better person. You can choose to be grateful for this guy and his role in your life. And you can even be grateful for your role in his life and the opportunity you had to help him grow.
It might not feel like it right now, but you will survive this break-up. It’ll be OK. And you’ll be able to move on. It might take a while to heal, but you’ll come through this a stronger person. True, this relationship didn’t work out, but it’s not because there’s anything wrong with you. It’s not because you aren’t worthy of this guy’s love. He just isn’t the right one — as trite as that might sound, it’s the truth.
You are worth the love and respect and admiration you want. You’re worth every bit of it. And when it’s the right person at the right time, it will work out.
In the meantime, maybe you can crank up the old Gloria Gaynor song while you dig into that pint of cookie dough ice cream or while you practice the latest kickbox moves — At first, I was afraid; I was petrified. Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side. But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong. And I grew strong. . . . I will survive. . . . I know I’m still alive. I’ve got my life to live, and I’ve got all my love to give. And I’ll survive.