If you’re in a romantic relationship, one of the things you probably desire is to feel closer to that person. You want to get to know them, and feel like they want to get to know you. It doesn’t matter if it’s a new relationship, or one that you’ve been in for years. Emotional intimacy is one of the most important aspects of any romantic relationship and can be one of the most challenging things to develop and maintain. Sure, sex can be a way to experience intimacy, but sex and intimacy are two different things. Emotional intimacy is one of the most important factors for experiencing long-term relationship success.

If you’re interested in improving your emotional connection, here are 5 things you can do that don’t involve sex.

5 Ways to Increase Intimacy that Don’t Involve Sex

1 - Disconnect to Connect

If you want to build intimacy with your partner, one of the best ways to do so is to disconnect. Not from them, but from technology. We’re not saying move into the mountains where there’s no cell service or Wi-Fi. We’re talking about unplugging for a few hours when you are together. It’s hard to get to know someone and feel connected at a deeper level when you’re staring at a phone screen every few minutes. So maybe you should put the phone away, or at least turn off notifications when you are together. That will force you to fill the time with tip number 2.

2 - Talk the Talk

It may sound cliché, and it’s the basis for almost every relationship advice book ever written, but communication really is the key to building intimacy. Sometimes it is just talking about what you like and dislike, or how your day went. Sometimes it’s talking about serious subjects like death, hope, goals and dreams. Sometimes it’s discussing the status of the relationship, clarifying expectations and setting boundaries so you’re both on the same page. One of the signs of a healthy relationship is the ability to set for hours just talking.

3 - Walk the Walk

Take a hike or go for a walk. Skip the Netflix and chill and spend some time planning dates that give you a chance to get to know the other person. Even group dates can give you a chance to see the person in a new light. And spending time with family will allow you some insights into your partner’s background and some of their quirks.

4 - Be Intentional

Each of the three tips above are great, but they won’t help if you don’t do them. So be intentional because they won’t happen on their own until they become habits. As you plan out your week, plan intentional times and activities geared towards increasing intimacy with your partner. Don’t let other things squeeze these out. Make them a priority.

5 - Evaluate

We know, this doesn’t sound very romantic, but romance doesn’t have to be spur-of-the-moment and spontaneous. You don’t have to do some formal evaluation giving each aspect of your relationship a rating. But every couple weeks or once a month, it’s good to evaluate how the relationship is going. Are you growing closer because you’ve intentionally invested time and effort in getting to know your partner? Or, are you drifting apart because you’re busy or haven’t been intentional? Taking the temperature every few weeks allows you to make adjustments and keep you both feeling close and connected, increasing the level of intimacy you feel.



While there are no guarantees with any relationship, there are things you can do to increase intimacy and prepare you for the long-term success you want in your relationship. If you have questions or want to talk to someone, the Collage staff is here to listen and share our insights. We’d also love to hear how you have been able to increase intimacy in your relationships. Share your tips or ask a question in the comments below.