Having sex is a big deal. It changes a relationship and it changes you. It’s something you need to think about and plan for before you’re in the moment. If it comes up, how will you respond? Are you ready, or should you wait? Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to have sex. And if you’ve had sex, it doesn’t mean you have to again.

Here are 7 questions to ask yourself before having sex.

Are you feeling pressure to have sex?

It might be your partner or it might be the feeling that all your friends are having sex and you don’t want to be left behind. Standing up for yourself can be hard, but knowing who you are and what your boundaries are ahead of time can help you have the strength to make the decisions that are going to be best for you. You’re value and worth don’t depend on whether or not you are having sex, they come from you just being you. Not sure what to say or how to stand up for yourself, we’d love to talk with you and help.

Are you afraid you might lose your partner if you don’t have sex?

If your partner doesn’t love you enough to respect your boundaries and decisions, having sex isn’t going to keep them around. You deserve someone who values you for you, not what you can give them and you should never have to do something you don’t want to do or aren’t comfortable doing to keep them.

Are you going to regret this later?

Those voices in your head, listen to them. If you’re uncomfortable, scared, or think you might feel guilty afterwards it’s okay to say no. Sex is meant to be a beautiful thing, not something you regret having too soon or in ways you aren’t comfortable with. You should be the one making the decisions and those decisions need to be ones you can live with, regret free.

Do you both know what you need to about preventing unexpected pregnancy and STDs?

If you decide to have sex there is a chance you can find yourself facing an unexpected pregnancy or catching a STD. Be sure you have all the information you need about STDs before making a decision. You deserve to know the facts before you put yourself at risk. If you have questions, we have several blogs and we’re available in the office to answer your questions.

Is my partner really ready?

Sometimes your partner will push you to have sex even if they aren’t sure they are ready themselves. They may think it is what you want, or they may be feeling the pressure from their friends. Talking with your partner about it may reveal they aren’t feeling ready themselves.

Does this line up with who I am and what I value?

Everyone has values that help them make decisions and that shape who they are and who they want to be as a person. In life we are confronted with decisions daily that force us to choose between those things we value and the alternatives. To stay true to who we are as a person, you must stay true to your values. If you value honesty, you’re going to be faced with the decision of being honest or telling a lie. If you value waiting to have sex until you’re married, you will be faced with that decision. In the end, being true to you, to your values will help you avoid those feelings of regret.

Are you in control?

Have you been drinking or are you under the influence of something else? Beer goggles are real. It’s hard to be in control and to make good decisions when you’re drunk, and this is one you want to make with a clear mind. Skip the sex for now and wait until you’re in control and won’t have regrets.

This is a big decision, one you have to make for yourself. But, we think these 6 questions will help you make the decision that is best for you, a decision you can live with.



We’d love to hear what you think. Are there other questions you should ask before making the decision to have sex?