7 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Having Sex

Having sex is a big deal. It changes a relationship and it changes you. It’s something you need to think about and plan for before you’re in the moment. If it comes up, how will you respond? Are you ready, or should you wait? Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to have sex. And if you’ve had sex, it doesn’t mean you have to again.

Here are 7 questions to ask yourself before having sex.

Are you feeling pressure to have sex?

It might be your partner or it might be the feeling that all your friends are having sex and you don’t want to be left behind. Standing up for yourself can be hard, but knowing who you are and what your boundaries are ahead of time can help you have the strength to make the decisions that are going to be best for you. You’re value and worth don’t depend on whether or not you are having sex, they come from you just being you. Not sure what to say or how to stand up for yourself, we’d love to talk with you and help.

Are you afraid you might lose your partner if you don’t have sex?

If your partner doesn’t love you enough to respect your boundaries and decisions, having sex isn’t going to keep them around. You deserve someone who values you for you, not what you can give them and you should never have to do something you don’t want to do or aren’t comfortable doing to keep them.

Are you going to regret this later?

Those voices in your head, listen to them. If you’re uncomfortable, scared, or think you might feel guilty afterwards it’s okay to say no. Sex is meant to be a beautiful thing, not something you regret having too soon or in ways you aren’t comfortable with. You should be the one making the decisions and those decisions need to be ones you can live with, regret free.

Do you both know what you need to about preventing unexpected pregnancy and STDs?

If you decide to have sex there is a chance you can find yourself facing an unexpected pregnancy or catching a STD. Be sure you have all the information you need about STDs before making a decision. You deserve to know the facts before you put yourself at risk. If you have questions, we have several blogs and we’re available in the office to answer your questions.

Is my partner really ready?

Sometimes your partner will push you to have sex even if they aren’t sure they are ready themselves. They may think it is what you want, or they may be feeling the pressure from their friends. Talking with your partner about it may reveal they aren’t feeling ready themselves.

Does this line up with who I am and what I value?

Everyone has values that help them make decisions and that shape who they are and who they want to be as a person. In life we are confronted with decisions daily that force us to choose between those things we value and the alternatives. To stay true to who we are as a person, you must stay true to your values. If you value honesty, you’re going to be faced with the decision of being honest or telling a lie. If you value waiting to have sex until you’re married, you will be faced with that decision. In the end, being true to you, to your values will help you avoid those feelings of regret.

Are you in control?

Have you been drinking or are you under the influence of something else? Beer goggles are real. It’s hard to be in control and to make good decisions when you’re drunk, and this is one you want to make with a clear mind. Skip the sex for now and wait until you’re in control and won’t have regrets.

This is a big decision, one you have to make for yourself. But, we think these 6 questions will help you make the decision that is best for you, a decision you can live with.

We’d love to hear what you think. Are there other questions you should ask before making the decision to have sex?

There are 4 comments .

Anonymous — March 13, 2018 @ 7:13 pm

I’m a teen and I’ve been in a relationship with this guy for 8 months,we are both virgins and he thinks that he’s ready to have sex and I’m not so I told him that I can’t do it,not now.I feel like I’m pushing him away.A part of me says that I should do it but I all think of the negative consequences

Reply »

CollageCenter — March 19, 2018 @ 12:40 pm

First of all, let me say how great it is that you are taking time to consider your future and potential realities involved with expressing yourself sexually! I actually think it’s great that you want to wait and I know that any guy worth keeping around will be willing to respect you and wait too. After all, if you’re with someone who cannot respect your boundaries, you deserve to ask yourself, is this someone I really want to be with?

Sexual expression comes with all sorts of realities that affect our health emotionally, relationally and also physically. I know that waiting can be hard, but it’s one way to really shift the focus of the relationship from physical intimacy to relational intimacy – investing in a happy/healthy friendship. And in order to stand the test of time, it’s really important to take time to develop that kind of foundation.

So you go girl! My advice is that you try to find mutual interests with your boyfriend, set some healthy boundaries & goals together, then have a ton of FUN learning about each other. Are you a movie buff? A thrill-seeker? Where do you see yourself 10 years down the road? Start dreaming! Get creative and try some activities you both enjoy… after all, there are many ways to try new things and “spice up” your relationship without engaging in sexual intimacy. A healthy relationship is one where both people are pushing the other to be better versions of themselves, rather than asking them to give up a piece of who they are.

So I hope that helps. Enjoy your relationship adventure, and please know if you or a friend ever need someone to talk to or want to schedule an appointment, you know who you can call…US 🙂

Michelle

Israel — October 25, 2018 @ 6:12 am

My Girl Friend Feels She Is Ready For Sex..But I Dont Feel Safe To Have It With Her Cause We Are Both Virgins

CollageCenter — November 16, 2018 @ 12:34 pm

Hey Israel, I think it’s great you’re considering how big the decision to have sex is, especially since both of you are virgins. The most important thing you expressed is that you, “Don’t Feel Safe…” and this is key! So props to you for being honest and vulnerable with yourself and in your message to us!

Romantic relationships with sexual expressions can be an incredible thing when we care for it well by committing to a long-term mutual (monogamous) relationship or a marriage commitment. With that in mind, I’d encourage you to consider initiating honest communication by first asking yourself why you don’t feel safe. Then communicating with her about how you’re feeling regarding sex right now and it might be helpful to also discuss dreams you two have as individuals and as a couple, If you haven’t already. This could help you consider the realities together that both of you might face if sex becomes a part of your relationship right now. Some realities might include ranges of emotions (positive or negative), a pregnancy or STD(s), surrounding relationships might be affected by it down the road (families, friends, etc.), and/or challenges achieving your dreams/goals in life if any of these things became a reality. Then, if you still find yourself not ready, but she still feels ready, this may end up creating unintentional pressure for one to compromise and/or for the other to hold back when they feel ready to move forward. That being said, it might be wise to reconsider the relationship at that point. I mean, it’s not like you’re compromising on pizza toppings. These are big things.

I think it’s great that you’re seeking advice and help! Ultimately what you’re doing now is shaping your future by pausing and thinking things through, when it could be easy to do it without considering the realities. Keep striving for greatness!

A Collage team member

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