I Don’t Want To Lose Him

February 15, 2020
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Dear Collage,
My boyfriend and I have been dating a while now. He’s really sweet and in a lot of ways, he treats me like a queen. I know he loves me. And I really do love him. He wants to have sex, but I don’t feel ready. I think sex is a big deal, and I think I might want to wait until I’m married. He says he understands that I’m not ready, but he also says that he’s proven he loves me by treating me like a queen – buying me stuff and watching movies I want to watch or hanging out with my friends when I want us to. He says this is the only thing he’s asking of me and if I really loved him, I’d want him to be happy. I know he’s getting frustrated. He has needs and I’m not meeting those needs. I’m afraid that if I don’t have sex with him soon, he’s going to break up with me and find someone who will. I mean, I love him and I want a future with him. If I’m going to have sex with him eventually, maybe I should go ahead and have sex with him now so he won’t leave me. What should I do?


We receive a lot of messages that sound like this. So if you’re in this situation, you definitely aren’t alone. That’s important for you to know — you aren’t the only one.


If this is your situation, we want to encourage you and help you as you make a decision about what’s best for you.


First, it’s wonderful if you and your boyfriend are having conversations about sex. Being able to honestly communicate about physical intimacy is very important in a relationship. It sounds like you’re not shying away from talking about the tough stuff, so that’s really something to be proud of!


Next, it’s also really great that you’re pausing to think about what you want and how sex impacts a relationship and your future. It sounds like you’re considering your values and wanting to make choices that are true to your own values. That’s wonderful!


If you feel like you aren’t ready for sex or if any part of you really wants to wait until you’re married, then you aren’t ready. And that’s OK! Even if you’ve been dating a really long time, it’s OK to feel like you aren’t ready or to feel like you want to wait. You’re right; sex is a big deal, and it’s wise to wait until you’re really ready or until you’re fully committed to each other in marriage. If that’s how you feel, you have every right to feel that way. And you deserve to have those values and those boundaries respected.


If you can say that your boyfriend treats you like a queen, but what does that mean? If he isn’t respecting your boundaries and your values, then he isn’t treating you like a queen. If he’s buying you gifts, watching movies you want to watch, and hanging with your friends so that he can use that as leverage to pressure you into having sex, then he isn’t treating you like a queen. He’s manipulating you. And that isn’t how real love works.


Your boyfriend may say he has needs and that he wants you to meet those needs. But you have needs as well – the need to be respected and honored and truly loved. And if he’s pressuring you to have sex or making threats that he’ll find another girl who will have sex with him, then he isn’t meeting your needs.

It’s understandable that you don’t want to lose this boyfriend – none of us likes to feel rejected. And it could feel that way. But if he’s pressuring you or threatening to leave you if you don’t have sex with him, he isn’t really rejecting you; he’s just selfishly wanting what he wants. And you deserve a better relationship than that. Maybe you could see this as you rejecting a relationship that isn’t respectful and healthy. You are so valuable, and your happiness is important. Are you going to be really happy if you go against your own values or give in to pressure to do something you’re not ready for?


When you’re really ready – when the time is right – you won’t feel pressured and you won’t be motivated by fear of losing someone. You’ll be motivated by true love – patient and gentle and selfless. And the right person won’t threaten to leave you if he doesn’t get his way. He won’t give you things and then hold it over your head to get what he wants. He won’t make you feel like his kindnesses to you are in exchange for sex.



Hold out for the right time and the right person. You’re worth it!

February 10, 2026
An unexpected pregnancy can already feel like a lot to carry. However, when your partner is strongly pushing you toward abortion, and you’re not sure what you want, it can feel even heavier. You may feel torn between your own emotions and his expectations, trying to keep the peace while feeling anxious or confused. If you’re in this situation, take a deep breath. At Collage, we understand how emotionally complicated this can be. You deserve a safe place to talk through what you’re feeling and be treated with respect. You don’t have to rush into a decision. Schedule a free appointment to learn how we can help you navigate this situation. It’s Your Decision Sometimes a partner’s reaction is rooted in panic. He may be thinking about finances, school, your relationship, or how unprepared he feels. In his mind, abortion may seem like the fastest solution. When someone repeatedly insists on one outcome, refuses to listen, or makes you feel guilty for even considering other options, it can start to feel like your voice doesn’t matter. And in a moment this vulnerable, your voice matters more than ever.  Giving Yourself Space If conversations feel tense or emotionally draining, it’s okay to take a step back. You have the right to say something like, “I need time to think. I’m not ready to decide right now.” Creating a little space can help you reconnect with your own thoughts instead of constantly reacting to his. Sometimes the best thing you can do is pause, breathe, and remind yourself that you don’t have to figure everything out in one day. You Deserve Respect It’s also important to pay attention to warning signs. If your partner threatens to leave, withdraw support, manipulate you emotionally, or isolate you from others unless you choose abortion, that is not love. That is control. You deserve a relationship where your safety and well-being are protected, not threatened. If you ever feel unsafe, reach out for immediate support. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233) offers 24/7 confidential resources to help you get the assistance you need. You Deserve a Safe Place to Talk It Through At Collage, we’re here to support you. You don’t have to walk into our center with a decision already made. You can come in simply because you need someone to listen, help you process, and remind you that you are not alone. This is your pregnancy and future. If your partner is pressuring you and you’re feeling unsure, please know that help is available. We offer a calm, caring environment where you can talk openly, ask questions, and explore your options without feeling judged or persuaded to make a specific decision. You are not alone in this. Schedule an appointment with Collage today. We’re here to walk with you, one step at a time. Collage does not provide or refer for abortions; however, we do offer pre-abortion screening through our no-cost services .
January 23, 2026
Facing an unplanned pregnancy can bring up difficult questions, especially when it comes to your relationship. You may be wondering whether you are required to tell your partner you’re considering an abortion, or whether it’s okay to keep that information private. Fear of conflict, concern about pressure, or a desire to protect your emotional well-being can all play a role. These feelings are common, and it’s okay to take time to think through what feels safest and healthiest for you. Collage offers a confidential and non-judgmental space where you can discuss these concerns without pressure. Before making any decisions, we provide cost-free pregnancy services , including ultrasounds, to help you understand important details about your pregnancy. Our goal is to give you accurate medical information and the space you need to move forward with clarity. You’re welcome to schedule a private, confidential appointment to learn more when you feel ready. Understanding Your Autonomy In many states, adults are not legally required to tell a partner if they’re considering or planning an abortion. Medical decisions about your body are generally protected by privacy laws, meaning the decision is legally yours. Some exceptions exist, such as parental involvement laws for minors, but partner notification is typically not required for adults. Even when the law is clear, the emotional side of this decision can feel complicated. You may feel torn between maintaining privacy and wanting honesty in your relationship. There is no single “right” approach, only what best supports your well-being and circumstances. When Safety Is a Concern In some relationships, sharing your thoughts with a partner may lead to understanding or emotional support. In others, it may not feel safe. If you’re worried about pressure, manipulation, anger, or physical harm, prioritizing your safety is essential. You’re never obligated to share information that could put you at risk. If you feel unsafe or unsure, confidential help is available through the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-SAFE). Support is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Why Medical Information Matters Whether or not you involve your partner, having accurate medical information is an important step. An ultrasound can help confirm gestational age, pregnancy location, and whether the pregnancy is viable. These details matter for your health and can help you feel more grounded as you consider your next steps. You Are Not Alone At Collage, we offer a confidential, respectful environment where your voice and concerns are taken seriously. Our team provides pregnancy confirmation, emotional support, and space to think through your situation without pressure or judgment. You deserve time, clarity, and peace of mind as you decide what is right for your life. Connect with Collage to discuss your questions in a supportive and confidential setting. Collage does not provide or refer for abortions; however, we do offer pre-abortion screening through our no-cost services.
December 17, 2025
Holiday gatherings often bring familiar traditions, questions, and expectations. But when you’re carrying the news of an unexpected pregnancy that you haven’t shared, the season may feel different this year. You might be participating in celebrations while quietly navigating thoughts and emotions that others cannot see. If you want clarity about your pregnancy or a private space to consider your next steps, Collage offers free services, including pregnancy tests, ultrasounds, and confidential consultations, to support your needs. Schedule your appointment today. Prepare Yourself, Not the Perfect Conversation You may not be ready to share your news, and that’s okay. What can help is preparing yourself: deciding on the topics you’re comfortable discussing, the questions you want to avoid, and the boundaries you want to set. This proactivity allows you to answer without feeling like you need to tell all and not overshare. Create Space Throughout the Gathering Instead of thinking about the whole event at once, break it into smaller, manageable moments. Emotional regulation becomes easier when you give yourself space to reset. Try:  Stepping outside for a few breaths of fresh air Finding a quiet room for a brief pause Taking a short walk after a meal Giving yourself permission to excuse yourself from overwhelming conversations These small steps can help protect your peace. Remember that if at any point during the gathering you’re ready to go home, go ahead. Take care of yourself by calling it a day when necessary. Meet Your Basic Needs Early pregnancy symptoms such as nausea and fatigue can be uncomfortable during gatherings. Come prepared to meet your own needs by bringing pregnancy nausea candy, snacks to settle your stomach, and a water bottle. Store these items in your purse, knowing they’re ready when you need them. You Don’t Have to Navigate This Season Alone If you want clarity before facing holiday conversations, Collage can help you understand your pregnancy and answer questions in a calm, confidential setting, which can make these boundaries easier to hold. Contact us whenever you’re ready to schedule a free appointment. Collage does not provide or refer for abortions; however, we do offer pre-abortion screening through our no-cost services .
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