I’m Not Ready For Sex, But He Is

January 26, 2015
Paint Texture Border

Dear Collage,

I’m not ready. Yet. We’ve been dating for several months, longer than most of our friends and some of them are, but I don’t think I’m ready. It’s not that I don’t love him, I’m just not ready for sex and he is. How do I handle this? Thanks.

   - Not Ready

 

Dear Not Ready,


Your situation is one many young women struggle with. They are trying to figure out how they feel about their guy, what their relationship is, and where it might go. For most, it’s not just about whether or not to have sex; it’s about who they are and who they want to be. It’s about not only the present, but also the future. As they sit and talk about their questions and what they are thinking and feeling, it’s amazing how they find the answers as they talk it out.


So, let’s talk. We’re not holding back on this because it’s an important topic and we think you alone should make this decision for you. Here are a few questions for you to think about.


What’s the status of your relationship in general?

You mentioned that you’ve been dating for several months, but how long you’ve been in a relationship isn’t a gage on how serious the relationship is. There are several things to factor in as you evaluate your relationship. Things like the level of trust, how well you communicate, and a respect for each other are better measurements of the status of a relationship that time passed. As for sex, well that doesn’t necessary make for a deeper, more intimate relationship either. Sure, sexual intimacy, in the right context, can strengthen a relationship. But if you engage in sex too early it can also do considerable harm to your relationship. Physical intimacy can replace emotional intimacy, stunting the growth of the relationship and causing a great deal of pain and frustration as a result of unmet expectations.


Have you clearly communicated your boundaries?

Does he know how you feel and where your comfort zone ends? Sometimes you just have to be blunt and let him know what you are comfortable with, just tell him you’re not ready for sex. It’s always best to have this conversation and set your boundaries before you are in a situation where they are being pushed. Let him know where you stand and what will happen if he pushes you. What is his reaction? Sure he might say all the right things, but what does he do? Is he respectful, staying clear of those boundaries, or does he keep pushing to see how close he can get, or if he can get past them? You’ll be amazed how much more respect you’ll have for your guy when he knows your limits and doesn’t push the boundaries.


Is he manipulating you to guilt you into sex?

“I love you so much, and if you love me as much as I love you, you’d want to have sex.” If he says anything that remotely resembles that sentence it’s probably time to start rethinking this relationship. If he loved you as much as he says he does, he would respect the boundaries you have set. Clearly that’s not the case and he just demonstrated he cares way more about himself than you. You deserve someone who puts you first.


Are you afraid he will leave or cheat?

If the thought that he might break up with you if you don’t have sex has crossed your mind, you’re not alone. Many women worry that if they don’t give in and have sex the guy will leave, or worse cheat on her. If this is something that you’re worried about, than you may want to revisit our first question about the status of the relationship. This is a sign of a lack of trust and respect for your boundaries


Do you need to end the relationship?

If he keeps pushing after you’ve been clear you’re not ready for sex it may be time to end things. You may realize he doesn’t respect you and is more concerned with his physical needs than your emotional needs and decide to break up. He may realize that he’s not going to get what he wants and he may end it. After several months together, no matter how it ends it will hurt. But hopefully you can take some comfort in knowing that ending it now is a lot less painful than being in a long term relationship with someone who doesn’t respect and honor you, and who constantly pushes you to do things you’re not ready for.


Do you need someone to talk this through with?

If you’re in this situation and want to talk with someone, we’d love to invite you to come to Collage and meet with one of our staff. They will help you work through these and any other questions you may have. In the end, our goal is to help you make the best decision for you, not what someone else wants for you. Because in the end, the decision whether or not to have sex should always be yours.

September 30, 2026
If you took the first abortion pill, it’s possible to start wishing you hadn’t. The regret may have hit you immediately, or it might have taken a few hours to realize that you want to continue the pregnancy. Either way, there may still be something you can do: abortion pill reversal (APR) may be an option. The first drug used in the abortion pill regimen is usually mifepristone. If you have taken mifepristone but now want to continue your pregnancy, call the Abortion Pill Reversal Network at 1-877-558-0333 right away. Their Helpline is available 24/7 and can connect you with a medical provider who can administer APR. If You Have Only Taken the First Pill Mifepristone works by blocking progesterone. Progesterone helps maintain the lining of the uterus during pregnancy. When this hormone is blocked, the uterine lining thins, and the pregnancy ends. The second drug in the abortion pill regimen is misoprostol , which causes the uterus to contract and expel the pregnancy. Abortion pill reversal involves giving progesterone after mifepristone in an effort to allow the pregnancy to continue. Don’t Wait for Symptoms Before Calling You may wonder whether you should wait before deciding what to do. But if you want to try to continue the pregnancy, call first.  It’s critical to start the protocol as soon as possible, ideally within 24 to 48 hours of taking mifepristone. However, you should still call even when more time has passed; it may not be too late. A medical provider can determine whether APR may still be appropriate. Does Reversal Always Work? Abortion pill reversal cannot guarantee that the pregnancy will continue. One published study reported ongoing pregnancy rates of approximately 64% to 68% with certain progesterone regimens, but individual outcomes vary. The important thing is to get medical guidance quickly rather than trying to determine your chances on your own. What if You Already Took Misoprostol? If you have already taken misoprostol, contact a healthcare professional promptly and explain exactly what you took and when. You should also seek immediate medical attention if you develop symptoms that concern you or believe you may be experiencing a medical emergency. Make the Call Now Changing your mind after taking mifepristone can be frightening, especially when you’re unsure whether there is still time to act. You don’t need to figure that out yourself. Call the Abortion Pill Reversal Network at 1-877-558-0333 as soon as possible and tell them when you took mifepristone. They can explain whether abortion pill reversal may still be an option and connect you with an appropriate provider. You can also contact Collage if you need someone to speak with while you work through your next steps. We’re here to help you. *Collage does not provide or refer for abortions; however, we do offer pre-abortion screening through our no-cost services. **All abortion information in this blog is based on accurate information at the time of writing.
September 7, 2026
Seeing another positive pregnancy test after having had a past abortion may bring up memories or emotions from that experience. If you already know you don’t want another abortion, you may be wondering what other choices you have and whether either feels realistic for your life right now. You have time to learn about your options and the available support. Collage is here to give you a place to discuss your circumstances so you can decide what’s right for you. Schedule a no-cost appointment today to learn more about your pregnancy and what your next steps could look like. And read on to learn more about your pregnancy options besides abortion. Consider What Parenting Would Require You may want to parent but have concerns about whether you can make it work. Finances, housing, childcare, your relationship, work, or school can all influence how possible this option feels right now. Before deciding that those challenges make parenting unrealistic, it can help to identify your biggest concerns individually. Some of those concerns may have solutions you haven’t considered yet. Think about the support you already have, along with what you would need during pregnancy and after your baby arrives. Knowing where the gaps are can make it easier to find resources rather than trying to solve everything at once. Learn More About Adoption If you don’t want another abortion but aren’t ready to parent, adoption is another option. Today, a woman making an adoption plan can have a significant role in deciding what that plan looks like. Depending on the type of adoption, you may be able to choose an adoptive family and decide what level of contact you would like after placement. Open, semi-open, and closed adoption offer different levels of communication and privacy. Speaking with a licensed adoption professional can help you understand these differences, your rights, and what the process would involve before you make any commitments. Discuss Your Options in a Confidential Space Having had an abortion before does not mean you have to make the same pregnancy decision again. Your feelings, circumstances, priorities, or perspective may be different this time. If you know you don’t want another abortion, start by learning what parenting and adoption could realistically look like in your current situation. Collage provides a place to talk about your pregnancy and the concerns influencing your decision. We can also connect you with adoption agencies and community organizations that provide the support you’re seeking. Reaching out doesn’t lock you into a specific decision. Schedule a no-cost appointment with Collage today to get your questions answered and explore the options available to you. Collage does not provide or refer for abortions; however, we do offer pre-abortion screening through our no-cost services.
August 11, 2026
If your girlfriend is facing an unexpected pregnancy and considering the abortion pill, you're probably wondering about costs and whether insurance will cover it.
Show More