My Boyfriend Wants To Have Sex And I Don’t Think I’m Ready

January 5, 2019

Dear Collage,


My boyfriend and I have been dating a while, and he wants to have sex. I’m not sure I want to, but he keeps mentioning it. He says I’m not able to give him what he wants, but I’m so scared. I feel like I sound stupid or selfish. And I’m worried because he’s so annoyed with me. Help.


If this letter describes you and your situation, we want you to know first and foremost that you aren’t stupid or selfish. You’re confused and scared, and those are normal things to feel when considering having sex for the first time (or for the first time with a new person). And it isn’t selfish to set and maintain boundaries for yourself.


Next, the decision to have sex is a big decision! And it’s a decision you get to make for yourself. Only you can know when you’re ready.


How will you know when you’re ready for sex?

Well, there are a lot of things to consider to determine whether you’re ready for sex or not.


Do you feel pressured?

If the main motivation is pressure from a boyfriend, then it’s not the right time for you to have sex. You deserve to have your boundaries respected. If you’ve said you aren’t ready and your partner is pressuring you, then your partner isn’t respecting your boundaries.


What’s your inner voice say?

If you have any doubt at all about whether you’re ready, you aren’t ready. And that’s OK. Listen to your inner voice. You have the rest of your life to have sex. There’s no reason to rush into it. Give yourself time. Know your own values. Know your own needs. Know your own boundaries. Anyone who truly loves you will respect that.


Have you talked about STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) and pregnancy?

If you can’t communicate about sex openly and honestly, then you’re definitely not ready to actually have sex. Before you have sex, you owe it to yourself to talk about preventing pregnancy and STDs. And remember hormonal birth control may be effective at preventing pregnancy, but it won’t prevent the spread of STDs. The only sure way to prevent STDs is to only have sex in a mutually monogamous relationship with someone who doesn’t have an STD (which means you both only ever have any kind of sex with each other).


Where are you in your relationship?

And we don’t only mean how long have you been dating. How much do you know about each other? How emotionally intimate are you? Do you feel completely comfortable with each other. Sometimes physical intimacy is easier than emotional intimacy. And sometimes becoming physically intimate before you’re emotionally intimate can cause bigger problems.


It’s really complicated if your boyfriend wants to have sex and you don’t. It can feel like you’re the one messing things up. But you deserve to wait until you’re completely ready. And if you’re not sure you’re ready, that means you’re not ready.


Talk to your boyfriend about this when you’re not in the heat of the moment. Explain your boundaries and tell him you need for him to respect those. If he continues to pressure you or attempts to manipulate you (If you really love me, you’ll have sex with me. I need this; and if you love me, you’ll give me what I need.), then he isn’t respecting you. That means you may have bigger issues in your relationship — and not having sex with this guy has saved you even more heartache. Because if your boyfriend truly loves you, he will not pressure you to violate your own standards or your own inner voice. He will respect you and wait until you’re both ready.


If you need to talk some more, we’re here for you. We want to support you in your right to decide when you’re ready. Call us and schedule a time to come in and talk to one of our staff members.

July 2, 2025
If you’re in your second trimester (between 13 and 26 weeks of pregnancy), you might be asking, What now? Maybe you just found out you’re pregnant, or maybe this stage of pregnancy is bringing new questions or emotions. No matter where you are in your journey, Collage is here to offer support, information, and a safe place to talk through your options. Understanding Abortion Laws in Nebraska In Nebraska, abortion is not permitted after 12 weeks gestation, with limited exceptions. If you’re considering abortion and believe you may be near or past this point, it’s important to have an ultrasound to confirm how far along you are. If you’re unsure how far along you are, Collage offers no-cost lab-quality pregnancy testing and ultrasounds to provide the medical information you need to understand your next steps. Exploring Your Other Pregnancy Options If abortion is not an option or you’re unsure what’s next, you still have choices. We can talk with you more about each of them. Parenting Parenting might feel like something you’re not ready for or even impossible right now. But with the right support, it may be more achievable than you think. You don’t have to have all the answers today. At Collage, we can connect you with local resources, parenting classes, and support systems that can help you prepare, step by step. You won’t be alone. Adoption If parenting doesn’t seem like the right fit for your current season, adoption is another option that gives you the ability to make a thoughtful plan for your child. Today’s adoption process puts you in control of key decisions, including:  Choosing the adoptive family Deciding how much (if any) communication you’d like to have Creating a plan that reflects your goals and values We offer adoption referrals and a confidential space to explore what this might look like for you—no pressure, just information and support. You’re Not Alone Navigating pregnancy in the second trimester can feel heavy, but you don’t have to walk through it by yourself. At Collage, you’ll find compassionate care, medical services, and honest answers to your questions. Schedule your no-cost appointment today. We’re here to listen and support through this process.
June 4, 2025
An unexpected pregnancy can leave you with more questions than answers. Especially when friends are urging you to choose abortion, you may be more confused than ever. While their advice might come from care or fear, it’s essential to remember this is your pregnancy, future, and choice. At Collage, we’re here to help you navigate this pressure and find a path that feels right for you so that you can feel informed and confident about your decision. Reach out to us today for no-cost support. Listen to Your Instincts Your friends might be an important part of your life, but your instincts matter most. If abortion doesn’t feel right, take a moment to ask: What’s holding me back? Maybe you’re picturing parenting your child or are curious about adoption. It’s also important to keep in mind that abortion is a serious procedure that your friends may not fully grasp the details of. Physical and emotional risks are involved, making it a more complex decision. Your hesitation is a sign to slow down and explore, not to rush into a choice you’re not ready for. Talk It Out If your friends keep pressing, try a gentle conversation. Let them know you understand they’re worried, you’re not sure about abortion yet. Ask what’s driving their advice. Maybe they’re scared about your finances or future. Maybe they’re simply telling you what they’d do in your situation, but that doesn’t mean it’s right for you. Understanding their side can ease tension without giving in. If they won’t respect your space, set boundaries and let them know you need time to think. You don’t owe them an immediate answer. Find Your Support Surround yourself with people who’ll lift you up, not pull you down. Write down your thoughts or talk to someone neutral. You can find a counselor or even online spaces where you can share your heart with those who won’t push one option over another. Even a trusted family member, a mentor, or a place like Collage can offer perspective without strings. You deserve to make this decision with clear facts and a steady heart, not under pressure. Help is Available If your friends are pushing abortion but you’re not ready, Collage is here with no-cost lab-quality pregnancy testing, limited obstetric ultrasounds, and pregnancy options education to help you decide what’s next. Our trained team offers confidential support to explore parenting, adoption, or abortion without pressure. Contact us for a no-cost appointment today. You deserve to choose your own path.
May 21, 2025
An unexpected pregnancy can flip your world upside down, and the urge to keep it under wraps might hit hard. Maybe you’re thinking abortion could erase the situation quietly.
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