My Boyfriend Wants To Have Sex And I Don’t Think I’m Ready

January 5, 2019
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Dear Collage,


My boyfriend and I have been dating a while, and he wants to have sex. I’m not sure I want to, but he keeps mentioning it. He says I’m not able to give him what he wants, but I’m so scared. I feel like I sound stupid or selfish. And I’m worried because he’s so annoyed with me. Help.


If this letter describes you and your situation, we want you to know first and foremost that you aren’t stupid or selfish. You’re confused and scared, and those are normal things to feel when considering having sex for the first time (or for the first time with a new person). And it isn’t selfish to set and maintain boundaries for yourself.


Next, the decision to have sex is a big decision! And it’s a decision you get to make for yourself. Only you can know when you’re ready.


How will you know when you’re ready for sex?

Well, there are a lot of things to consider to determine whether you’re ready for sex or not.


Do you feel pressured?

If the main motivation is pressure from a boyfriend, then it’s not the right time for you to have sex. You deserve to have your boundaries respected. If you’ve said you aren’t ready and your partner is pressuring you, then your partner isn’t respecting your boundaries.


What’s your inner voice say?

If you have any doubt at all about whether you’re ready, you aren’t ready. And that’s OK. Listen to your inner voice. You have the rest of your life to have sex. There’s no reason to rush into it. Give yourself time. Know your own values. Know your own needs. Know your own boundaries. Anyone who truly loves you will respect that.


Have you talked about STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) and pregnancy?

If you can’t communicate about sex openly and honestly, then you’re definitely not ready to actually have sex. Before you have sex, you owe it to yourself to talk about preventing pregnancy and STDs. And remember hormonal birth control may be effective at preventing pregnancy, but it won’t prevent the spread of STDs. The only sure way to prevent STDs is to only have sex in a mutually monogamous relationship with someone who doesn’t have an STD (which means you both only ever have any kind of sex with each other).


Where are you in your relationship?

And we don’t only mean how long have you been dating. How much do you know about each other? How emotionally intimate are you? Do you feel completely comfortable with each other. Sometimes physical intimacy is easier than emotional intimacy. And sometimes becoming physically intimate before you’re emotionally intimate can cause bigger problems.


It’s really complicated if your boyfriend wants to have sex and you don’t. It can feel like you’re the one messing things up. But you deserve to wait until you’re completely ready. And if you’re not sure you’re ready, that means you’re not ready.


Talk to your boyfriend about this when you’re not in the heat of the moment. Explain your boundaries and tell him you need for him to respect those. If he continues to pressure you or attempts to manipulate you (If you really love me, you’ll have sex with me. I need this; and if you love me, you’ll give me what I need.), then he isn’t respecting you. That means you may have bigger issues in your relationship — and not having sex with this guy has saved you even more heartache. Because if your boyfriend truly loves you, he will not pressure you to violate your own standards or your own inner voice. He will respect you and wait until you’re both ready.


If you need to talk some more, we’re here for you. We want to support you in your right to decide when you’re ready. Call us and schedule a time to come in and talk to one of our staff members.

February 10, 2026
An unexpected pregnancy can already feel like a lot to carry. However, when your partner is strongly pushing you toward abortion, and you’re not sure what you want, it can feel even heavier. You may feel torn between your own emotions and his expectations, trying to keep the peace while feeling anxious or confused. If you’re in this situation, take a deep breath. At Collage, we understand how emotionally complicated this can be. You deserve a safe place to talk through what you’re feeling and be treated with respect. You don’t have to rush into a decision. Schedule a free appointment to learn how we can help you navigate this situation. It’s Your Decision Sometimes a partner’s reaction is rooted in panic. He may be thinking about finances, school, your relationship, or how unprepared he feels. In his mind, abortion may seem like the fastest solution. When someone repeatedly insists on one outcome, refuses to listen, or makes you feel guilty for even considering other options, it can start to feel like your voice doesn’t matter. And in a moment this vulnerable, your voice matters more than ever.  Giving Yourself Space If conversations feel tense or emotionally draining, it’s okay to take a step back. You have the right to say something like, “I need time to think. I’m not ready to decide right now.” Creating a little space can help you reconnect with your own thoughts instead of constantly reacting to his. Sometimes the best thing you can do is pause, breathe, and remind yourself that you don’t have to figure everything out in one day. You Deserve Respect It’s also important to pay attention to warning signs. If your partner threatens to leave, withdraw support, manipulate you emotionally, or isolate you from others unless you choose abortion, that is not love. That is control. You deserve a relationship where your safety and well-being are protected, not threatened. If you ever feel unsafe, reach out for immediate support. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233) offers 24/7 confidential resources to help you get the assistance you need. You Deserve a Safe Place to Talk It Through At Collage, we’re here to support you. You don’t have to walk into our center with a decision already made. You can come in simply because you need someone to listen, help you process, and remind you that you are not alone. This is your pregnancy and future. If your partner is pressuring you and you’re feeling unsure, please know that help is available. We offer a calm, caring environment where you can talk openly, ask questions, and explore your options without feeling judged or persuaded to make a specific decision. You are not alone in this. Schedule an appointment with Collage today. We’re here to walk with you, one step at a time. Collage does not provide or refer for abortions; however, we do offer pre-abortion screening through our no-cost services .
January 23, 2026
Facing an unplanned pregnancy can bring up difficult questions, especially when it comes to your relationship. You may be wondering whether you are required to tell your partner you’re considering an abortion, or whether it’s okay to keep that information private. Fear of conflict, concern about pressure, or a desire to protect your emotional well-being can all play a role. These feelings are common, and it’s okay to take time to think through what feels safest and healthiest for you. Collage offers a confidential and non-judgmental space where you can discuss these concerns without pressure. Before making any decisions, we provide cost-free pregnancy services , including ultrasounds, to help you understand important details about your pregnancy. Our goal is to give you accurate medical information and the space you need to move forward with clarity. You’re welcome to schedule a private, confidential appointment to learn more when you feel ready. Understanding Your Autonomy In many states, adults are not legally required to tell a partner if they’re considering or planning an abortion. Medical decisions about your body are generally protected by privacy laws, meaning the decision is legally yours. Some exceptions exist, such as parental involvement laws for minors, but partner notification is typically not required for adults. Even when the law is clear, the emotional side of this decision can feel complicated. You may feel torn between maintaining privacy and wanting honesty in your relationship. There is no single “right” approach, only what best supports your well-being and circumstances. When Safety Is a Concern In some relationships, sharing your thoughts with a partner may lead to understanding or emotional support. In others, it may not feel safe. If you’re worried about pressure, manipulation, anger, or physical harm, prioritizing your safety is essential. You’re never obligated to share information that could put you at risk. If you feel unsafe or unsure, confidential help is available through the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-SAFE). Support is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Why Medical Information Matters Whether or not you involve your partner, having accurate medical information is an important step. An ultrasound can help confirm gestational age, pregnancy location, and whether the pregnancy is viable. These details matter for your health and can help you feel more grounded as you consider your next steps. You Are Not Alone At Collage, we offer a confidential, respectful environment where your voice and concerns are taken seriously. Our team provides pregnancy confirmation, emotional support, and space to think through your situation without pressure or judgment. You deserve time, clarity, and peace of mind as you decide what is right for your life. Connect with Collage to discuss your questions in a supportive and confidential setting. Collage does not provide or refer for abortions; however, we do offer pre-abortion screening through our no-cost services.
December 17, 2025
Holiday gatherings often bring familiar traditions, questions, and expectations. But when you’re carrying the news of an unexpected pregnancy that you haven’t shared, the season may feel different this year. You might be participating in celebrations while quietly navigating thoughts and emotions that others cannot see. If you want clarity about your pregnancy or a private space to consider your next steps, Collage offers free services, including pregnancy tests, ultrasounds, and confidential consultations, to support your needs. Schedule your appointment today. Prepare Yourself, Not the Perfect Conversation You may not be ready to share your news, and that’s okay. What can help is preparing yourself: deciding on the topics you’re comfortable discussing, the questions you want to avoid, and the boundaries you want to set. This proactivity allows you to answer without feeling like you need to tell all and not overshare. Create Space Throughout the Gathering Instead of thinking about the whole event at once, break it into smaller, manageable moments. Emotional regulation becomes easier when you give yourself space to reset. Try:  Stepping outside for a few breaths of fresh air Finding a quiet room for a brief pause Taking a short walk after a meal Giving yourself permission to excuse yourself from overwhelming conversations These small steps can help protect your peace. Remember that if at any point during the gathering you’re ready to go home, go ahead. Take care of yourself by calling it a day when necessary. Meet Your Basic Needs Early pregnancy symptoms such as nausea and fatigue can be uncomfortable during gatherings. Come prepared to meet your own needs by bringing pregnancy nausea candy, snacks to settle your stomach, and a water bottle. Store these items in your purse, knowing they’re ready when you need them. You Don’t Have to Navigate This Season Alone If you want clarity before facing holiday conversations, Collage can help you understand your pregnancy and answer questions in a calm, confidential setting, which can make these boundaries easier to hold. Contact us whenever you’re ready to schedule a free appointment. Collage does not provide or refer for abortions; however, we do offer pre-abortion screening through our no-cost services .
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