My Girlfriend Wants To Have Sex, But I Don’t Think I’m Ready For That

April 13, 2019
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Dear Collage, My girlfriend wants to have sex, but I don’t think I’m ready for that. I know it’s supposed to be the other way around. Everyone thinks that guys always want sex and that we’re the ones pressuring girls into it. But I don’t want to have sex yet. And my girlfriend thinks something’s wrong with me. Probably everyone thinks something’s wrong with me. What guy doesn’t want sex if it’s being offered to him. Right? What can I do? Is something wrong with me? How can I tell my girlfriend ‘no’ without feeling less of a man?


First, there’s nothing wrong with you. People of any gender and any age can feel like they aren’t ready for sex. Even if you have the opportunity. Even if it’s a person you really, really are attracted to. Even if it’s a person you really, really want to have sex with.


Next, good for you for knowing yourself and your own boundaries. Good for you for knowing that you aren’t ready and respecting yourself enough to honor that.


Whether or not you want to have sex or feel ready to have sex is a personal decision. Nobody else can know when you’re ready. And nobody should pressure you into having sex. You’re in charge of your own body, and you get to decide when you’re ready.


So how can you tell your girlfriend without hurting her feelings or without feeling like less of a man?

Know why you aren’t ready. Spend some time thinking through your reasons. Be able to own and explain those reasons. And don’t worry about whether your reason will sound silly — you get to choose this for yourself.


Some possible reasons you might want to wait:

  • you aren’t ready to think about having a baby, so you want to avoid sex to prevent pregnancy
  • your religious beliefs don’t permit sex outside of marriage
  • you don’t want to risk being blamed for sexual assault
  • you aren’t even sure if it’s legal for the two of you to have sex
  • you’re worried about getting a sexually transmitted disease (STD)
  • you want more time to build trust or more of a connection
  • you want to be sure you’re in a committed relationship first
  • you really want to wait until you’re married
  • you want your first time to be very special, and you just aren’t there yet
  • you just don’t think you’re ready


Be honest. It’s important that you talk honestly with your girlfriend about sex. Talk about your reasons for waiting. Your girlfriend can’t read your mind. And she won’t understand your boundaries unless you clearly explain them to her. She’s also less likely to have hurt feelings or feel personally rejected if you explain your reasons to her.


Pay attention to her reaction. This hard conversation can either make your relationship stronger – by helping you understand each other and respect each other and form a stronger emotional bond. Or the conversation can end your relationship. You deserve to have your boundaries respected and your choice honored. If your girlfriend mocks you or tries to manipulate you into having sex, then that’s probably not a healthy relationship for you to be in.


Show love in other ways. If the hard conversation goes well and your girlfriend respects your choice and honors your boundaries, then you can show love in ways other than sex. You can find other ways to make her feel attractive and like you want to be with her. Compliment her, spend time with her, buy her small gifts, write her love notes, take her out on dates. Physical intimacy – or sex – isn’t the only way to show love.


You have your whole life to have sex. There’s no hurry. Take your time and enjoy your relationship. As we said, there are lots of ways to show love and feel close and enjoy each other without having sex. You can build emotional intimacy and have a good time together. Building a healthy relationship can make your girlfriend feel respected and desired and loved.


As for whether or not you feel like less of a man — it takes a real man to know himself and respect himself and insist on the kind of healthy relationship he knows he deserves. And it takes a real man to respect his girlfriend enough to wait until he’s really ready before he has sex with her.

Understanding Abortion Pills: What to Know

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If you're considering the abortion pill, knowing what it actually involves is an important first step as you weigh your decision. Schedule a free, confidential appointment at Collage to talk through your questions and get accurate information at no cost. How the Abortion Pill Works The abortion pill uses two drugs taken at different times. Mifepristone , the first, blocks progesterone, a hormone the body needs to maintain a pregnancy. Without it, the pregnancy stops developing. The second drug, misoprostol , causes the uterus to contract and expel the pregnancy. Risks and Side Effects Cramping and bleeding are expected parts of the process. Additional side effects can include fever, chills, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and headaches. Complications include: Incomplete abortion (pregnancy tissue remaining in the uterus) Heavy bleeding that does not stop Infection Without in-person medical care, distinguishing normal symptoms from those requiring urgent attention is difficult. Why Gestational Age and Pregnancy Location Matter The FDA approved the abortion pill through 10 weeks of gestation. It is important to know how far along you are for your health and safety as you move through making your next decisions. A limited OB ultrasound also screens for ectopic pregnancy , a pregnancy outside the uterus that the abortion pill cannot treat and requires urgent care. A positive test alone does not rule out an ectopic pregnancy or miscarriage , since hCG can remain elevated after pregnancy loss. Getting the Full Picture Collage offers free pregnancy testing and limited OB ultrasounds to give you the medical details you need before deciding anything, whether you're considering parenting, adoption, or abortion. Schedule your free, confidential appointment at Collage today. Kindly call the numbers for the branch nearest to you:  Kearney: (308) 234-9880 Grand Island: (308) 675-2217 All abortion information sourced in this blog is based on accurate information at the time of writing. Collage does not provide or refer for abortions; however, we do offer pre-abortion screening through our no-cost services.

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If you’ve recently learned you are pregnant unexpectedly, we understand how overwhelming this might feel right now. If you're considering abortion as an option, taking time to understand how the process works is important so you can make an informed decision. Collage is here to help provide you with confidential support and abortion information at no cost. We offer a safe space, free of judgment, where you can think calmly about your options, receive lab-quality pregnancy testing, and get a complimentary ultrasound so you can get the facts around your pregnancy and learn what options are available to you. Schedule your free appointment today. Medical Abortion Medical abortion, also known as the abortion pill, ends a pregnancy by using two drugs taken at different times. The first pill, mifepristone, works by blocking progesterone and causes the embryo’s death. The second drug, called misoprostol, is usually taken a day or two after and causes the uterus to contract, expelling the pregnancy tissue through cramping and bleeding. Common side effects can include bleeding and cramping, bleeding with blood clots, and a low-grade fever. Medical abortion is only approved through ten weeks of gestation by the FDA . Follow-up care is typically recommended after a medical abortion to make sure the process is complete. Surgical Abortion Surgical abortion terminates a pregnancy in a clinic or medical setting and involves removing pregnancy tissue from the uterus through a suction device or a tool called a curette. This can also be called dilation and evacuation or dilation and curettage . Common side effects of surgical abortions are bleeding and cramps. You may also have a late or early period as your uterus has to build a new lining after the procedure. What Are The Risks Of Abortion? Medical and surgical abortion both have possible risks that you should be aware of. Some women may also experience emotional responses afterward. Complications that can arise from abortion are: Infection. Scar tissue on the uterine wall, known as Asherman's syndrome . Heavy bleeding that may not stop. Diarrhea and digestive pain. An incomplete abortion. Confirm Your Pregnancy With An Ultrasound Before making a pregnancy decision, it is important to verify your pregnancy with an ultrasound. An ultrasound provides important medical details such as how far along you are, the location of the pregnancy, and whether a heartbeat is detected. These details are important since the abortion pill is not FDA-approved for over ten weeks, and it also rules out ectopic pregnancy, which requires urgent medical attention. As many as 26% of all pregnancies end in a miscarriage, and you can still get a positive pregnancy test result for days or weeks after a miscarriage because it takes time for hCG to leave the body. An ultrasound will confirm whether or not you have miscarried. We provide no-cost pregnancy services at our center, including limited OB ultrasounds, so you can get informed about your pregnancy and options. Get Pregnancy Support at College If you're considering your next step after learning you are unexpectedly pregnant, we are here to give you a safe place to ask questions and learn more about your options. Collage provides confidential appointments and no-cost pregnancy services, including medical-grade pregnancy testing, ultrasounds, and STD testing . You don’t have to figure this out alone. We are here to listen. Schedule your free confidential appointment to learn more about your options. Collage does not provide or refer for abortions; however, we do offer pre-abortion screening through our no-cost services.
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