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My Girlfriend Wants To Have Sex, But I Don’t Think I’m Ready For That

April 13, 2019

Dear Collage, My girlfriend wants to have sex, but I don’t think I’m ready for that. I know it’s supposed to be the other way around. Everyone thinks that guys always want sex and that we’re the ones pressuring girls into it. But I don’t want to have sex yet. And my girlfriend thinks something’s wrong with me. Probably everyone thinks something’s wrong with me. What guy doesn’t want sex if it’s being offered to him. Right? What can I do? Is something wrong with me? How can I tell my girlfriend ‘no’ without feeling less of a man?


First, there’s nothing wrong with you. People of any gender and any age can feel like they aren’t ready for sex. Even if you have the opportunity. Even if it’s a person you really, really are attracted to. Even if it’s a person you really, really want to have sex with.


Next, good for you for knowing yourself and your own boundaries. Good for you for knowing that you aren’t ready and respecting yourself enough to honor that.


Whether or not you want to have sex or feel ready to have sex is a personal decision. Nobody else can know when you’re ready. And nobody should pressure you into having sex. You’re in charge of your own body, and you get to decide when you’re ready.


So how can you tell your girlfriend without hurting her feelings or without feeling like less of a man?

Know why you aren’t ready. Spend some time thinking through your reasons. Be able to own and explain those reasons. And don’t worry about whether your reason will sound silly — you get to choose this for yourself.


Some possible reasons you might want to wait:

  • you aren’t ready to think about having a baby, so you want to avoid sex to prevent pregnancy
  • your religious beliefs don’t permit sex outside of marriage
  • you don’t want to risk being blamed for sexual assault
  • you aren’t even sure if it’s legal for the two of you to have sex
  • you’re worried about getting a sexually transmitted disease (STD)
  • you want more time to build trust or more of a connection
  • you want to be sure you’re in a committed relationship first
  • you really want to wait until you’re married
  • you want your first time to be very special, and you just aren’t there yet
  • you just don’t think you’re ready


Be honest. It’s important that you talk honestly with your girlfriend about sex. Talk about your reasons for waiting. Your girlfriend can’t read your mind. And she won’t understand your boundaries unless you clearly explain them to her. She’s also less likely to have hurt feelings or feel personally rejected if you explain your reasons to her.


Pay attention to her reaction. This hard conversation can either make your relationship stronger – by helping you understand each other and respect each other and form a stronger emotional bond. Or the conversation can end your relationship. You deserve to have your boundaries respected and your choice honored. If your girlfriend mocks you or tries to manipulate you into having sex, then that’s probably not a healthy relationship for you to be in.


Show love in other ways. If the hard conversation goes well and your girlfriend respects your choice and honors your boundaries, then you can show love in ways other than sex. You can find other ways to make her feel attractive and like you want to be with her. Compliment her, spend time with her, buy her small gifts, write her love notes, take her out on dates. Physical intimacy – or sex – isn’t the only way to show love.


You have your whole life to have sex. There’s no hurry. Take your time and enjoy your relationship. As we said, there are lots of ways to show love and feel close and enjoy each other without having sex. You can build emotional intimacy and have a good time together. Building a healthy relationship can make your girlfriend feel respected and desired and loved.


As for whether or not you feel like less of a man — it takes a real man to know himself and respect himself and insist on the kind of healthy relationship he knows he deserves. And it takes a real man to respect his girlfriend enough to wait until he’s really ready before he has sex with her.

What to Do When Friends and Family Are Pressuring You into an Abortion Decision

April 2, 2025
What do you do when those closest to you start pushing you toward a decision that doesn’t feel right? Pressure from family or friends to choose abortion can leave you feeling stuck, unheard, and unsure of what to do next. How can you hold firm in your decision while dealing with well-meaning but overwhelming advice? Here’s what you can do to navigate this difficult situation with strength and resilience. Mental Health and Pressure Your decision should be your own—one that isn’t influenced by guilt or outside expectations. Studies show that women who feel pressured into abortion are more likely to experience guilt, anxiety, depression, and other negative mental health outcomes. Protecting your mental and emotional health starts with making a choice that aligns with what you truly want. Ways to Handle the Pressure Since you understand why this decision needs to be yours, here are some practical steps to help you handle outside pressure. Give Yourself Time You don’t have to decide right away. Take a moment, think through your feelings, and give yourself the gift to reflect without feeling rushed. You're less likely to regret a decision made on your terms. Learn About All Your Options Abortion isn’t your only choice. Parenting and adoption are also possibilities, each with its own forms of support and resources. Learning more about these options can help you make an informed decision you feel at peace with. Set Boundaries It can be tough to stand your ground when others have strong opinions about your decision. Clearly expressing your thoughts by setting boundaries can help you avoid unwanted pressure. Letting others know you need time and space to think can help shift the conversation away from their influence and back to what’s best for you. Advice from a Third Party Getting a different perspective on your situation can be helpful when seeking advice from someone outside your inner circle. This could be a professional counselor, an online support group, or a caring team member at Collage . You deserve people in your life who want to understand you without judgment. You Are Not Alone Even if those around you don’t fully understand, there are people who do. A supportive environment can make all the difference as you navigate this decision. Collage is here to walk with you during this time. We offer lab-quality pregnancy testing, limited OB ultrasounds, pregnancy options information, and more at no cost so you can get informed and have the support you need to move forward with certainty.  Schedule a confidential appointment today.

The Role of Support Systems When Considering Abortion

March 7, 2025
Discovering you’re pregnant when you weren’t expecting can feel like the ground has shifted beneath you. A flood of questions may rush in. What do I do? Who can I talk to? How will this change my life? In moments like these, having a strong support system can make all the difference. The people around you—family, friends, a partner, or trusted mentors—can provide clarity, encouragement, and resources to help you navigate your options. Why Support Systems Matter It’s easy to feel isolated during an unexpected pregnancy with high stress and emotions. However, decisions made in isolation can be overwhelming and may lead to regret. Having a support system allows you to process your emotions, ask questions, and consider your next steps with a clear mind. Those who care about you can offer reassurance and help you explore the emotional, physical, and practical aspects of your decision. Avoiding Pressure and Outside Influence Unfortunately, some women experience pressure from their partner, family members, or even friends to make a decision they aren’t comfortable with. A healthy support system respects your right to make an informed choice without coercion. If you’re feeling pressured, it’s essential to reach out to someone who will listen, not dictate. Support should come from those who uplift and empower you, not those who push you into a choice based on their preferences. Seeking Reliable Information It’s crucial to have access to accurate medical information about abortion, its risks, and its alternatives. A strong support system can help you connect with organizations (such as Collage ) that offer factual, judgment-free care. You can also seek help from professional counselors or a mentor, but ultimately, surrounding yourself with people who prioritize your well-being can bring insight and peace of mind to your decision-making process. We’re Here For You At Collage, we understand how important support is when considering your options. We offer free and confidential pregnancy services, including lab-quality pregnancy testing, limited OB ultrasounds, abortion information, and more so you can make an informed choice. Even if you don’t feel you have a support system in your life, you have one with us. Reach out today to learn more about how we’re here for you.

Why Does an Ultrasound Matter if I’m Considering Abortion?

February 13, 2025
If you’re thinking about abortion, an ultrasound is a crucial step to gather essential information about your pregnancy. It provides key details that can help determine which options are available to you and ensures your health and safety as you make this important decision. At Collage , we offer free limited OB ultrasounds to give you the clarity and support you need, as well as more information on your pregnancy options. Ultrasounds During Pregnancy An ultrasound is a diagnostic tool that uses sound waves to create detailed images of your body. These images provide vital insights into your pregnancy, helping you make an informed decision. Here are three critical pieces of information an ultrasound can reveal: 1. The Location of Your Pregnancy An ultrasound can confirm if your pregnancy is located in the uterus. Sometimes, a pregnancy can implant outside the uterus, typically in a fallopian tube, resulting in an ectopic pregnancy. An ectopic pregnancy is a serious condition that cannot result in a live birth and requires immediate medical attention to avoid a life-threatening situation. Even if you’re considering abortion, identifying an ectopic pregnancy through ultrasound is essential to protect your health. 2. How Far Along You Are (Gestational Age) Understanding how far along you are is critical for determining which abortion options you can access. For example, the abortion pill is FDA-approved only for pregnancies up to ten weeks gestation. If your pregnancy is further along, a surgical abortion would be the alternative option available, depending on the circumstances. Period-tracking apps can estimate gestational age, but they lack the accuracy of an ultrasound, which can precisely date your pregnancy. 3. Whether Your Pregnancy Is Progressing Not all pregnancies continue as expected—approximately 26% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. An ultrasound can detect if a miscarriage has occurred so you can follow up with the appropriate care plan. Protect Your Health As you can see, an ultrasound is an essential step in protecting your health and understanding your options. You deserve to make an informed and confident decision and the free limited OB ultrasounds Collage provides will help you to do just that. Contact us today to schedule your appointment. Our care and support are designed to help you through this crucial time. Let us be a source of strength for you.
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