I’m Pregnant. What Are My Options?
September 22, 2018
The test is positive. You saw the plus sign at the end of the stick and you verified it with your doctor. You weren’t planning for this, but you’re pregnant.
Scared. Angry. Worried. Overwhelmed. It’s completely normal to be feeling all these emotions right now. Facing an unexpected pregnancy is a big deal. It can be extremely stressful and terrifying. Though ultimately, you’re the one who will make the decisions about this pregnancy, you aren’t alone. And, even if your partner isn’t involved, you don’t have to handle this all by yourself.
Your first thought might be, What am I going to do? You might be feeling so overcome by emotions or fear that you don’t even know what your options are.
Even though this might feel like an urgent problem, the good news is that you don’t have to make any decision immediately. Often times when we react immediately to our circumstances and make choices based off emotions we don’t always end up making the best decision for ourselves. Give yourself the gift of time to breathe and sort out all the different emotions you’re feeling. Then, when you’re ready, you can think about your options and your next right step.
When facing a pregnancy, you really have three legal options:
- Parenting - You can choose to have and raise your baby – either alone or with the help of your partner or your family.
- Adoption - You can choose to place your baby for adoption. If you decide on adoption, you can choose how much you want to be involved in the process and whether you want to remain in contact with your child and the adoptive family.
- Abortion - You can choose to have an abortion. The laws for abortion vary from state to state, and some states require parental consent for anyone under the age of 18.
Maybe you already know which option you’d choose. Or maybe you need help sorting through the decision process. Perhaps asking yourself these questions will help you come to the decision that is best for you.
- How do I feel about being pregnant? Are you excited and happy with the idea of a baby, but sad about the timing? Are you completely devastated and feeling like your life is over? Are you worried about how other people will respond? Are you scared about whether or not you’re ready to be a parent? Taking time to examine and write down your feelings will help you know what you really want to do.
- What do I want to be doing in my life in the next year, three years, and five years? Make a list of the goals you have for yourself. How does a baby fit in with those goals? Maybe parenting a baby will change your timeline or the process a bit, but you can see yourself making it work. Maybe you know that parenting just isn’t at all what you want to be doing for the next few years.
- What do I have to gain from having and raising a baby now? What do I have to lose? Make lists and weigh them against each other.
- Can I financially afford to raise a baby? What resources do you have available? Do you have insurance? A job? A partner or family to help out? Are there resources in your community to assist you? Do you qualify for government assistance?
- What does my partner, the other parent of this baby, think? What does my family think? Though the decision is ultimately yours to make, it can be helpful to consider the opinions of other people affected by this.
- Am I being pressured toward one choice? If someone is pressuring you toward a decision, consider whether you’ll live with regret for the choice you’re being pressured toward.
- Do I have strong values or beliefs about abortion, adoption, or parenting? If you have strong beliefs either for or against something, that is definitely something you want to consider when making a choice. If you make a choice against your own values, you’ll probably have a difficult time making peace with that decision.
- What do I know about abortion and potential risks? It may seem like a clear-cut decision but there are a lot of things to consider. Would it be medical or surgical? Is it safe? Is it painful? Could it affect me later? Can anyone force me to have one?
- Do I have a network of people to support me in my decision? Are there people who will offer emotional support if you choose an abortion? Will the people in your life support a choice of arranging an adoption? Do you have a system of support to help if you choose to have and raise your baby?
It can also be helpful to write these sentences down and fill in the blanks:
- The idea of becoming a parent right now makes me feel ________________.
- The idea of placing my child for adoption makes me feel ________________.
- The idea of having an abortion makes me feel _____________.
As you consider your options, you may find it helpful to talk with your partner, a trusted family member, or a friend. And if you don’t know who to talk to, you can definitely call us. Our staff is here for you. Many of us know what it’s like to face difficult decisions like this. There’s no judgment here. We’ll listen and offer information and resources so that you can make an informed decision about what’s best for you.
An unexpected pregnancy can already feel like a lot to carry. However, when your partner is strongly pushing you toward abortion, and you’re not sure what you want, it can feel even heavier. You may feel torn between your own emotions and his expectations, trying to keep the peace while feeling anxious or confused. If you’re in this situation, take a deep breath. At Collage, we understand how emotionally complicated this can be. You deserve a safe place to talk through what you’re feeling and be treated with respect. You don’t have to rush into a decision. Schedule a free appointment to learn how we can help you navigate this situation. It’s Your Decision Sometimes a partner’s reaction is rooted in panic. He may be thinking about finances, school, your relationship, or how unprepared he feels. In his mind, abortion may seem like the fastest solution. When someone repeatedly insists on one outcome, refuses to listen, or makes you feel guilty for even considering other options, it can start to feel like your voice doesn’t matter. And in a moment this vulnerable, your voice matters more than ever. Giving Yourself Space If conversations feel tense or emotionally draining, it’s okay to take a step back. You have the right to say something like, “I need time to think. I’m not ready to decide right now.” Creating a little space can help you reconnect with your own thoughts instead of constantly reacting to his. Sometimes the best thing you can do is pause, breathe, and remind yourself that you don’t have to figure everything out in one day. You Deserve Respect It’s also important to pay attention to warning signs. If your partner threatens to leave, withdraw support, manipulate you emotionally, or isolate you from others unless you choose abortion, that is not love. That is control. You deserve a relationship where your safety and well-being are protected, not threatened. If you ever feel unsafe, reach out for immediate support. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233) offers 24/7 confidential resources to help you get the assistance you need. You Deserve a Safe Place to Talk It Through At Collage, we’re here to support you. You don’t have to walk into our center with a decision already made. You can come in simply because you need someone to listen, help you process, and remind you that you are not alone. This is your pregnancy and future. If your partner is pressuring you and you’re feeling unsure, please know that help is available. We offer a calm, caring environment where you can talk openly, ask questions, and explore your options without feeling judged or persuaded to make a specific decision. You are not alone in this. Schedule an appointment with Collage today. We’re here to walk with you, one step at a time. Collage does not provide or refer for abortions; however, we do offer pre-abortion screening through our no-cost services .
Facing an unplanned pregnancy can bring up difficult questions, especially when it comes to your relationship. You may be wondering whether you are required to tell your partner you’re considering an abortion, or whether it’s okay to keep that information private. Fear of conflict, concern about pressure, or a desire to protect your emotional well-being can all play a role. These feelings are common, and it’s okay to take time to think through what feels safest and healthiest for you. Collage offers a confidential and non-judgmental space where you can discuss these concerns without pressure. Before making any decisions, we provide cost-free pregnancy services , including ultrasounds, to help you understand important details about your pregnancy. Our goal is to give you accurate medical information and the space you need to move forward with clarity. You’re welcome to schedule a private, confidential appointment to learn more when you feel ready. Understanding Your Autonomy In many states, adults are not legally required to tell a partner if they’re considering or planning an abortion. Medical decisions about your body are generally protected by privacy laws, meaning the decision is legally yours. Some exceptions exist, such as parental involvement laws for minors, but partner notification is typically not required for adults. Even when the law is clear, the emotional side of this decision can feel complicated. You may feel torn between maintaining privacy and wanting honesty in your relationship. There is no single “right” approach, only what best supports your well-being and circumstances. When Safety Is a Concern In some relationships, sharing your thoughts with a partner may lead to understanding or emotional support. In others, it may not feel safe. If you’re worried about pressure, manipulation, anger, or physical harm, prioritizing your safety is essential. You’re never obligated to share information that could put you at risk. If you feel unsafe or unsure, confidential help is available through the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-SAFE). Support is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Why Medical Information Matters Whether or not you involve your partner, having accurate medical information is an important step. An ultrasound can help confirm gestational age, pregnancy location, and whether the pregnancy is viable. These details matter for your health and can help you feel more grounded as you consider your next steps. You Are Not Alone At Collage, we offer a confidential, respectful environment where your voice and concerns are taken seriously. Our team provides pregnancy confirmation, emotional support, and space to think through your situation without pressure or judgment. You deserve time, clarity, and peace of mind as you decide what is right for your life. Connect with Collage to discuss your questions in a supportive and confidential setting. Collage does not provide or refer for abortions; however, we do offer pre-abortion screening through our no-cost services.
Holiday gatherings often bring familiar traditions, questions, and expectations. But when you’re carrying the news of an unexpected pregnancy that you haven’t shared, the season may feel different this year. You might be participating in celebrations while quietly navigating thoughts and emotions that others cannot see. If you want clarity about your pregnancy or a private space to consider your next steps, Collage offers free services, including pregnancy tests, ultrasounds, and confidential consultations, to support your needs. Schedule your appointment today. Prepare Yourself, Not the Perfect Conversation You may not be ready to share your news, and that’s okay. What can help is preparing yourself: deciding on the topics you’re comfortable discussing, the questions you want to avoid, and the boundaries you want to set. This proactivity allows you to answer without feeling like you need to tell all and not overshare. Create Space Throughout the Gathering Instead of thinking about the whole event at once, break it into smaller, manageable moments. Emotional regulation becomes easier when you give yourself space to reset. Try: Stepping outside for a few breaths of fresh air Finding a quiet room for a brief pause Taking a short walk after a meal Giving yourself permission to excuse yourself from overwhelming conversations These small steps can help protect your peace. Remember that if at any point during the gathering you’re ready to go home, go ahead. Take care of yourself by calling it a day when necessary. Meet Your Basic Needs Early pregnancy symptoms such as nausea and fatigue can be uncomfortable during gatherings. Come prepared to meet your own needs by bringing pregnancy nausea candy, snacks to settle your stomach, and a water bottle. Store these items in your purse, knowing they’re ready when you need them. You Don’t Have to Navigate This Season Alone If you want clarity before facing holiday conversations, Collage can help you understand your pregnancy and answer questions in a calm, confidential setting, which can make these boundaries easier to hold. Contact us whenever you’re ready to schedule a free appointment. Collage does not provide or refer for abortions; however, we do offer pre-abortion screening through our no-cost services .
