My Boyfriend Cheated On Me
It can be devastating to find out your boyfriend cheated on you. If this has happened to you, you’re probably having all the feelings — shock, disbelief, anger, sadness, grief, fear. All of that is perfectly normal.
You might feel completely lost, wondering what to do now. Do you stay? Do you leave him? Is he really sorry? Can you even trust your own judgment now?
Or maybe you’re just really, really angry. Or really, really sad. And you don’t know where to go from here.
We don’t have all the answers, and we won’t pretend we do. But we do care about you, and we want you to know you don’t have to handle this hard thing alone. So we’ve made a list of some do’s and don’ts that you might find helpful.
Do grieve.
Cry, scream, eat some ice cream, punch a punching bag – do whatever it is you do when you’re really sad. Someone violated your trust, and that’s definitely something worth grieving. Allow yourself time to feel all the yucky emotions you’re feeling.
Don’t plot revenge.
When you first find out and you’re feeling the hot rage of it all, you might be tempted to do something to get back at him. You might want to spread horrible rumors about him. You might even be tempted to try to hurt him by doing something that really hurts you, like hooking up with his friend. Or maybe you want to vandalize his truck, like in that Carrie Underwood song. Trust us, you really want to resist all of these vengeful urges. In the end, you’ll only hurt yourself more. Even though revenge might feel sweet in the now, you’re better than that.
Do try to figure out why.
If he wants to talk with you, give him a chance to explain why he cheated. We’re not saying his behavior can be excused. It can’t. But understanding why may give you some peace of mind and might help you in the future.
But don’t blame yourself.
He might try to excuse his choices by casting some blame on you. Or maybe you’re tempted to blame yourself, believing you somehow drove him to cheat. Please believe us — you are not at fault. Though problems in relationships are nearly always caused by both people, the cheater is always the only one responsible for the infidelity, the cheating.
Do evaluate your options & take time to make a decision.
Maybe you know immediately that cheating is an absolute deal-breaker. If so, that’s fine. Make that choice and move forward. But maybe he’s really apologetic and you aren’t sure what to do. It’s OK to feel confused and overwhelmed right now. The decision whether or not to stay with someone who cheats on you is your decision. Nobody else can tell you what to do. Take some time to think or to talk to a trusted friend or family member or to a counselor. There is no rush.
Do get tested for STDs.
If your boyfriend was sexually active with someone else, that increases your risk for a sexually transmitted disease (STD). Whether you choose to stay with him or not, it’s a good idea to get screened for any diseases.
Do forgive.
This doesn’t mean we’re saying stay in the relationship. Forgiveness doesn’t have to mean you give your boyfriend another chance. And it absolutely doesn’t mean you’re saying what he did is OK or glossing over it all. No, forgiving him isn’t about him at all. Forgiveness is about you. When you forgive him, you’re saying what he did was really wrong, but that you’re choosing to release feelings of bitterness and resentment. It doesn’t mean forgetting. It doesn’t mean reconciling the relationship. It just means you’re freeing yourself from the kind of anger that eats away at you.
Don’t jump into another relationship too soon.
Allow yourself time to grieve and time to heal. Enjoy your friendships and your own hobbies. Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Though it might be tempting to jump right into another relationship to somehow prove to yourself that you weren’t the problem, that might not be what’s best for you emotionally. Give yourself time to heal from this experience so that you can enter the next relationship whole and healthy.
But do open yourself to trusting again.
When you’re ready, after you’ve given yourself time to heal, be open to the idea of another relationship – or, if you’ve chosen, to rebuilding the relationship with your boyfriend. The things you’ve learned from this experience can make you stronger and wiser, but they don’t have to make you completely skeptical about love. Not every guy will cheat on you. And just because you’ve had this bad experience doesn’t mean you’re doomed to bad relationships.
It might not feel like it now, but you’re going to get through this. And you will be stronger on the other side. You deserve to have a healthy relationship – where you’re valued and treated with respect.
If you’re boyfriend cheated on you and you need someone to talk to, our staff is here for you. And don’t forget, we can sure help you out with Gonorrhea and Chlamydia testing and treatment if needed. Just give us a call.
